Help! Jaguars Fan Needs New Team

Credit: Yahoo! Sports

The Jacksonville Jaguars have been around since 1995 and it’s still hard for me to believe they are an actual NFL team.  With everything from the boring color scheme to the high school-sounding name to the constant disappointing seasons, I can’t believe there are fans out there.  Even more, I can’t believe I actually know one of them.  He writes for The Sports Chief and his name is AustYn.  Every time the Jags play (which ends up in a loss, but you already knew that), I can’t help but think about the misery AustYn goes through every single Sunday.  How disappointing it must be to put your hopes in such a franchise.  To me, the Jaguars have always seemed like a semi-professional football team that got bumped up to the NFL by chance.  They just have never seemed to fit in.  Basically, they are like the Flint Tropics in the movie Semi-Pro.  Nobody can take them serious.

So now it’s time for a change.  With the Jaguars destined for yearly futility, we need to find AusYn a new NFL team.  I mean, why put yourself through such constant disappointment if you don’t have to?  But picking a new team is not something to take lightly.  This team-switch should be a one-time thing, so the decision he makes will impact the rest of his life.  Here are the Pros and Cons of becoming a fan of each NFL team:

Arizona Cardinals

Pros: They are good right now.  If you want an immediate return on investment, they are a good choice.

Cons: You might be called a bandwagon fan.  And your long-term investment is questionable.

Atlanta Falcons

Pros: They are rivals with Charlotte and our hometown team Panthers.

Cons: They are rivals with Charlotte and our hometown team Panthers.

Baltimore Ravens

Pros: It’s always fun to cheer for football teams with a goo defense, and Baltimore ALWAYS has a stellar defense.

Cons: If you ever want to attend a Ravens game you are running the risk you might get shot, mugged, or both.

Buffalo Bills

Pros: This one is easy.  Buffalo fans are arguably the best in the NFL by being so passionate and absolutely insane.  Just Google Bills Mafia.

Cons: This one is easy too.  They have hit a nice little stretch where they are a good team, but WAY more times than not, they are pretty pitiful.

Carolina Panthers

Pros: They are the hometown team.  If you have a lot of pride in our city then the Panthers are the easy pick.

Cons: You’ll be like everyone else around here.  Well, not everyone else, but you’ll be like a lot of people, many of whom are just annoying about the Panthers.

Chicago Bears

Pros: The history and traditional aspects of the team.  I love the teams that always stick to the traditional uniforms like the Bears.  And cold football is best football.

Cons: You’d have to get used to not having a good quarterback.  That’s one of their calling cards.  And they lose quite a bit too.

Cincinnati Bengals

Pros: You’d be like no one else, because who is a Bengals fan outside the city of Cincinnati?  So, that’d be cool.

Cons: The Bengals will always be second-tier in their division after the Steelers and Ravens.  Shoot, they will always be second-tier in their own state to the lowly Browns.

Cleveland Browns

Pros: The next time the Browns go on a big losing streak, which you can count on every few years, you’ll get a free Bud Light when the city of Cleveland unlocks various Bud Light coolers around town after that groundbreaking win.  And I’ve never seen such passionate fans for such a miserable franchise.

Cons: You’ll have to buy a brown paper bag to put over your head when you attend most home games.

Dallas Cowboys

Pros: None

Cons: Everything

Denver Broncos

Pros: The Broncos have been one of the more successful franchises in NFL history.

Cons: If we’re being honest, they are a pretty boring team.  Maybe it’s because we live on the east coast and don’t hear much from them, but you would almost forget they even exist.  And their color scheme used to be so much cooler than it is these days.

Detroit Lions

Pros: You get to play in the same division as storied franchises like the Bears and Packers.  And you’ll get to say that you’ve been a fan since their first Super Bowl appearance, whenever that may happen.

Cons: Do I even need to put anything here?

Green Bay Packers

Pros: They are a great franchise with passionate fans and always have winning teams.  They might have the most satisfied fanbase in the entire NFL.  And great tailgates.

Cons: There’s so many Packer fans, even around the Carolinas, that you’ll just be considered another Green Bay fan that likes to brag about how cool it is to be a part owner of their team once you buy a share of their stock.

Houston Texans

Pros: You play in the same division as the horrible Jacksonville Jaguars and you’ll be able to sit back and laugh at how you used to be a fan of them every time you beat them.  Which will be every. single. time.

Cons: Like the Bengals, they are the second-tier team in their own state.  Except this is on a WAY higher level, being second-tier to the Cowboys.  If you tell people you’re a Texans fan, you’ll get plenty of weird glances and questions of “are you from Houston, or something?”

Indianapolis Colts

Pros: You can sit back and talk about the good ol’ days when Peyton Manning wore the #18 blue and white uniform…even though you weren’t a fan then.  But you can still pretend.

Cons: They play in a dome.  How boring it must be to pull for a team in the NFL that plays their games indoors.  Football is a man’s sport that should be played outside.

Kansas City Chiefs

Pros: They are really good.  Really good.  And have awesome uniforms and an awesome stadium atmosphere.

Cons: There is no doubt that you’ll be considered one of the biggest bandwagon fans out there.

Las Vegas Raiders

Pros: It would almost be like being one of their inaugural fans, since they moved to Las Vegas.  You were never an Oakland fan, but you have ALWAYS been a VEGAS fan.  And the black and silver will never “not be tough.”

Cons: Can anybody take a Las Vegas professional sports team serious?  Not anytime soon.

Los Angeles Chargers

Pros: You have the best quarterback in the NFL, Justin Herbert.

Cons: Fans of the team and the NFL will always be saying the team should still be in San Diego.  And they will be right.

Los Angeles Rams

Pros: It’s like being owning a fancy, 200k sports car that goes 180 mph.  It might be fun to drive and show off for a while, but there will come a time when it will crash and burn.

Cons: Nobody in Los Angeles cares about the Rams.  So why should you, in North Carolina?

Miami Dolphins

Pros: When the last undefeated team every season loses, you can sit back and brag about how the ’72 Dolphins are the last undefeated team.  Then you can reminisce how the logo used to be so much cooler before they made it look like a powder-puff football logo.

Cons: I’ll start with the terrible new logo and uniforms.  I’ll end with the fact they are a terribly-run franchise.

Minnesota Vikings

Pros: Purple is cool.  And you can pretend that your team is a relevant team in the NFC North.

Cons: The NFC North will always belong to the Packers (who actually win) and Bears (who really want to win).

New England Patriots

Pros: The best head coach in the NFL is in New England.  How cool it must be to turn all those 4th and 5th round picks to playoff players and Super Bowl contenders.

Cons: You’ll get the ol’ eye roll every time you tell someone you’re a Patriots fan.  Especially around these parts.

New Orleans Saints

Pros: If you decide to go to a home game, you will have a super fun tailgate with some of the best food you’ve ever had.  Gumbo, gumbo, gumbo.

Cons: The crab legs aren’t free for Saints fans, even if Jameis Winston tries to convince you otherwise.

New York Giants

Pros: You would be a fan of the premier team in the world’s most well-known city.  Even though the Giants have struggled recently, you know they will come around, unlike the Jets.

Cons: They don’t even have their own stadium.  That’s lame.

New York Jets

Pros: Being a Jets fan will earn you respect from everyone.  They may scratch their head and question you like there’s no tomorrow, but they will respect you for cheering for such a dreadful team.  The difference between them and the Jags, though, is at least the Jets have a tradition and don’t seem like a created team on Madden.

Cons: You will endure years of suffering, pain, and misery.

Philadelphia Eagles

Pros: Fans are crazy about the Eagles.  So crazy, in fact, that they will throw snowballs at Santa Clause.  That passion would be a lot of fun to be around at games.  And you can eat Philly Cheese Steaks before and after home games.

Cons: You’d be park of a fanbase that thinks Jalen Hurts is a franchise QB.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Pros: It’s undoubtedly the better franchise in the state of Pennsylvania.  They have a lot of good history and are one of the better ran franchises in football.  And sweeeet uniforms.

Cons: You might have to start opening beer bottles with your teeth to fit in with that crowd.

San Francisco 49ers

Pros: Like the Steelers, the 49ers have a ton of good history.  Pulling for historic franchises are always a lot of fun.

Cons: The city of San Francisco is weird.

Seattle Seahawks

Pros: They always seem to be good under Pete Carroll.  I kind of feel like it’s impossible for the Seahawks to be an awful team as long as he’s the coach.  And they have the 12th man at home games which is cool.

Cons: The team colors suck.  Some people will tell you otherwise, but they are delusional…or Seahawks fans.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Pros: They are really good right now and have an excellent chance at winning back-to-back Super Bowls.

Cons: When Tom Brady retires in 35 years, you’ll still have to be a Buccaneers fan.

Tennessee Titans

Pros: Pulling for the same team as your brother could be fun.

Cons: Pulling for the same team as your brother could be boring.

Washington Football Team

Pros: The team colors are cool.

Cons: You’d be pulling for a team without a name.  The “Football Team” is dumb, and always will be.  It’s also a terribly run franchise.  Don’t be a Redsk---Football Team fan.

**Final Verdict**

After carefully weighing the pros and cons for each NFL team, I have made the determination that AustYn should forfeit his Jacksonville Jaguars fandom and become a………….Pittsburgh Steelers fan!  If anyone disagrees, state in the comments which team he should pick and why.

steelerswire.usatoday.com